Ex-Pat Harbin: the reality sitcom

Based on characterizations and stereotypes, any resemblance to actual events or persons living or dead is, well, Purely Coincidental...(though you do get extra points if you can figure out the category where I appropriately belong)

PLOT: Following the myriad of teachers, students, and other foreigners living in Harbin, China as they eat, drink, and indulge in a life of debauchery outside their home countries.

SETTING: Harbin, China has been an international/multicultural city in the northeast of China for over a century. In addition to the majority Chinese population, the city hosts Russians, Koreans, Japanese, Americans, Canadians, Europeans who have set up permanent or temporary homes. Harbin winters are described as cold, dark, and lonely as the Siberian winds sweep down and descend upon the town. In contrast to the winters, Harbin summers are filled with refreshing cool nights spent in one of the city’s beer gardens where draft beer continuously flows to be consumed with barbecue kebabs. A 3:30 am sunrise ensures that ‘partying ‘til dawn’ happens often and happens hard.

MAIN CHARACTERS:
The Australian Bar Owners: Risky and Savvy describe these young, male Australians who, after a few years of living in Harbin and frustrated with the nightlife, open their own bar. Décor does not define this bar; rather cheap drinks and loud music. These guys play ‘Jack@ss’ and ‘Beavis and Butthead’ DVDs on the TV above the bar, have set up a half pipe in the back room, and offer regular evenings packed with drinking games.

The Russian/European Drinkers: The drinking habits of these guys follow the laws of ‘faster’ and ‘harder.’ There are no limits as to how much one can drink each night. Days are spent resting off the activities of the previous night in anticipation of what the next evening will bring. Discussions center around the best way to cure a hangover.

The American Students: Loud and in packs are the telltale signs of these American college students. They are here for a semester abroad, living off their parents’ money (with a highly favorable exchange rate) and developing tactics to circumvent the ‘strict Chinese learning environment’ they anticipated upon arrival. Their days are spent searching for the meaning of life in the Chinese they encounter; nights are meant to forget about the activities of the day by throwing back drinks.

The Chinese Girlfriends: Wholesome, Confucius-abiding Chinese women are not the native females one finds in Ex-pat Harbin. Instead, we find fluent in English girls who have strategized with all the Chinese online advice about ‘how to land a Western man.’ Their nails can’t get any longer and their skirts can’t get any shorter. They are well-versed in ‘Sex in the City,’ ‘Gossip Girl,’ and ‘Desperate Housewives.’

The Chinese Businessmen: Slimy, slick, and successful portray these well-connected men. Their friends are high-up government officials and their goal is to own the most successful bars in town. They use their money and connections to sabotage the Australian Bar Owners as best they can. The one advantage the Aussies have going for them, however, is loyalty.

The Narrator: An academic ethnographer who sits in the corner armed with camera and notebook, rarely getting involved in the events of the evening, except on the rare occasion when an argument about cultural criticism arises. Or to persuade the bartender to kick the creepy Russian who is harassing her Canadian friend out of the bar.