Learning Chinese

Sometimes when I am here and studying for Chinese tests I wonder how i have made it this far in school. I am a PhD candidate and sometimes I really do not like school. I've spent a lot of time in school and have always passed as a good student and just kept going. But being in a Chinese classroom (albeit a very good Chinese classroom) that reminds me of why I do not like school. I think the teachers in this program are amazing and are the best Chinese teachers I've had. We have small classes of 1-5 students and each have an equal chance to practice in class and outside of class, but learning a language still requires a very rigid style of learning.

I spent the weekend working on homework. I stayed in my room and studied all the Chinese I've learned this summer to prepare for my final exams. And I had fun! But the thing is that I don't do well on exams. OK, I admit a bit of exaggeration and truth be told, I do just fine, but I don't pass with flying colors. When I study I do not study to regurgitate exactly what the teacher wants on the exam. I study to learn. I want my Chinese to improve so I want to know what I have learned, regardless of whether I can do well on the exam. So I think the reason I have continued in school is because I love learning. In a Chinese language program, the emphasis is on doing homework and taking exams to show you have prepared. But I prepare my Chinese as I see necessary to survive as a researcher in the field, not as the teacher sees in mastering the language. Both are important but I just want to jump ahead to the end goal and skip the rigid grammar in between.

I think my strategy in school has been to take classes which emphasize learning through thinking; at my liberal arts college I chose the classes with final papers, not final exams. Was it a cop-out, an excuse to not have to take exams? Or another way to show that I can still learn, even if what I learn is not quantitatively measured through an exam? Or am I just selfish, wanting to learn what is relevant to what I think about and not what the teacher wants?

Following my college education and 2 years in the Peace Corps, I went to an amazing college for my master's degree where grades were all but irrelevant and classroom emphasis was on fulfilling the needs of the student. It was perfect for me, in both course content and in personal growth. And, I have nothing but excellent praise for my current PhD program at the U of Colorado. I think the freedom I found in my higher education career has catered to an excellent learning environment. But when it comes to learning foreign languages or taking statistics or anything that requires finding the 'right answer' and being tested through exams, I feel like a terrible student. But then I read a book or write a paper where I am free from the structures of a rigid education system and I want to learn more.

One of our final assignments for the summer, in addition to final exams, is to write an essay in Chinese characters covering the topic of our independent study course. Mine, of course, is about rice. I spent the weekend working on this essay. I went back over my readings and notes and summaries I have written all summer and I composed a long-very long-essay. I need to shorten this essay, even though I could keep writing for as long as I have things to say. I am using the grammar I have studied in my classes. When I apply what I have learned to a topic that interests me, I know how important all of my classes have been.

And, as a future college professor, I realize an ultimate goal in education is to find the balance between what the teacher wants students to know and what students want to show the teacher what they know. I hope I can find that balance when I get there. But for now, I am still a student and need to study for my exams.