Irrational Fears

I hope something that most people share is an irrational fear. There are things that terrify me and I’m not exactly sure why; there is nothing rational about why I am so scared of it, but I am. In China I face two of my biggest fears on a regular basis. I hope I am learning not to be scared.

My first irrational fear: Rats. China has big, gross rats. It is not uncommon to see dead ones in the middle of the sidewalk. Even when it is dead, I walk as far away from it as I can get. When I was looking at apartments in Harbin, I wanted to get one that was at least on the sixth floor and was clean inside so it would not attract rats or mice. I had some of these in my first floor apartment in Sichuan and I refused to go inside until I knew the problem was taken care of. I’ve never had one hurt me, but nonetheless I am scared of it.

So the other day, my good friend Melissa and I went for a run. Like me, Melissa is a Geography PhD candidate (but not at Colorado). We got to know each other in Beijing last year and by shear luck, we both ended up in Harbin this fall. So after our run, we were walking through a park on our way home when a big rat ran across our path, just inches from our feet. Together, the two of us screamed, loudly and in unison. Actually it was more like a bloodcurdling screech. I’m surprised no one ran up to us to make sure we were OK. Instead, two guys behind us laughed, no doubt having seen the entire event. At least we gave them a show and I know I have a friend with whom I can share my irrational fear of rats.

My second irrational fear: the telephone. This is really embarrassing, but I hate to make telephone calls. I do not mind receiving calls and I do not mind making calls if someone is expecting me to call or if its is a good friend. And if there is nothing I hate more than making phone calls to complete strangers, its making phone calls to complete strangers while speaking in Chinese.

After using my professor at Northeast Agricultural University for academic connections at the university for other rice professors, I’ve realized that I am on my own now to get connected to businesses and companies who process and distribute rice. I’ve spent the last few days surfing the internet, gathering the names of agricultural companies in Heilongjiang that supply rice. So now I have a list. I also have a speech planned, ready for when I actually make the calls. I’ve made plenty of phone calls in Chinese before and it always turns out fine. After one or two calls, I realize nothing bad is going to happen and it gets easier. But for now I am sitting with a list staring at me, waiting for me to call. I hope by posting this I am forcing myself to make the phone calls so you all can check up with me.